You deserve an apology.

Ohshit. That post - wasn't meant to sound like that. I remember writing, but I don't remember soundign liek such a bitch. I really hate myself sometimes. I just -

I mean, this era. I'm not going to pretend it never happened. I mean, I was happy. I was. But the fact that it's over kind of hurts me, if you see what I'm saying. I did lose friends, I did, but in the end maybe some of that was for the better.

Alex is an amazing person, he is, but he's someone elses amazing person, not mine. I think a part of me will always miss what I suppose we won't have, because I ruined that for myself yesterday afternoon in the cupboard and I suppose when I wrote that this morning.

It's so easy for me to put this front on and pretend I don't care, but I do, I'll miss it, I'll miss what I've lost, but what I was trying to say is that there are new things to look forward to as well, I don't have to dwell on the past and let my life end because of one twist in the plot.

I'm really sorry about this morning. I am. Especially to Alex, who didn't deserve what I wrote. He's talented, clever and one of the nicest people, but I suppose what people were telling me made him seem so horrible to me, when really I need to hear his version of things.

I know it's difficult to rectify that kind of public mistake, but I hope part of you can forgive me.

Jokes

"Knock knock, who's there, Becky."

"Was that going anywhere?"

"..."

"It's a terrible joke."

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Doctor."

"Oh God, Sophie..."

English is fun. I actually thought that was a really nice poem, or at least what I actually did of it. I think we sort of scratched the surface but I still nearly filled my copy with annotations. Same for THCM though I suppose.

Nearly done on the narrative but now I need to finish my newsletter or else fail ICT. Or get a Merit, which in some ways would be worse, if I fail I want to fail spectacularly.

Who's Lovin' You (Yes, I'm copying Caitlin too)

Helen asked me if that last post was about Alex. The answer is: it is not about anybody. It's about a person who fits that category, and if Alex wants to be perfect then I've no objection but anyone perfect will do :)

I'm looking forward to my last half-term in year 10. Also to when my black shirt arrives. WHICH IS WHEN?? I want it now. Especially as we've got D of E t-shirts (I'm wearing mine) and we ordered them after even when Mr Grey had to put in a special order for smiley faces. Mr Grey abuses me, I don't know if I like him.

I love Matty Smithy. He is greatly great even when he calls me a man. Or Velma. Well, okay, he isn't great when he calls me Velma but he rules my life.

Not looking forward to D of E, it looks nice now but apaz it's going to rain. Joy of joys. It's very joyful actually because then I can wear my super cool mac. Not looking forward to sick flavour milk and it being at the wrong time.

Erm; I don't have much to say. Soon I think my narrative will be finished and then all will be well and Ellie will stop punishing me.