Being sickening.

I always used to think that I looked okay. Nothing special. Just plain, nothing disgusting. But yesterday I looked in the mirror and it was the first time I ever realised that I'm ugly. This stupid thing on my lip has made me feel so self-conscious, and even as it's getting smaller I'm repulsed by myself. And after that I realised other things that are less than plain about myself. My forehead is gross; greasy and flaky at the same time and covered in spots and blemishes. My hair is a nest, my nose sticks out a mile, my hands and feet are yellow and horrid, my skin is rough, my legs are tree-trunk like... I liked my eyes. They are an okay colour, I can hang on to that, but they are nothing next to my nose. It's enormous. 

I just hate feeling so dirty the whole time. Like I'm nothing next to the people around me. I see people doing their make-up and checking themselves in the mirror, and I wonder... Why do they need it? These people will always be pretty. I can really empathise with anorexics and bulimics now. Except I couldn't do that because I'm to needy about food. This is pants. Enormous grey granny pants that don't suck you in and are visible through any amount of clothing.

I don't want to look in the mirror. And it's all because of Saul Bartlett and stupid fudging Agatha. I hope she goes away. Maybe I'll be more plain than gross again then.